Fried egg sandwich

Good Morning

As you step lightly down the stairs, you tie your dressing gown loosely around your body. The thick scent of fried eggs and richly buttered toast lured you from your slumber, and you walk into the kitchen hungry, groggy and with stumbling thoughts.

Your wife looks up at you as you walk across the room towards the kettle, but you barely glance at her as you mumble a good morning. The kettle is hot to the touch, so you use the water within to make a coffee, strong and black. The soothing, bitter fumes cut through the haze of your mind, and you feel your thoughts begin to take on more coherent shapes as you sip the hot, dark liquid.

You gaze around the kitchen to see if there is food prepared, or if your sustenance is your own responsibility this morning. Your eyes come to rest on a plate of fried eggs sat upon two slices of toast, set at the place opposite where your wife sits with the remnants of her own meal. Her cup of tea releases curls of warm steam into the cool morning air.

As you sit down at the table, you nod thanks to your wife. You pick up a slice of toast, the bright egg draped atop it in a lopsided fashion, and take a bite. The yolk bursts, delicious golden goo dribbling down your chin as you peer over the table to see what today’s newspaper holds.

You feel your wife’s eyes upon you as you read the headlines.

Financial difficulties in Europe; political scandals; rock stars drug habits; and a young woman strangled to death in this very town. Not far away from your home, in fact.

You swallow the last of your breakfast and stand up from the table. You pick up your wife’s empty plate as you pass her, and place it on top of your own in the sink. You run the tap until it is just a touch too hot to run your hand through it. You wash them without haste, gazing idly out of the window at your garden. You make a note to cut the lawn when the sun has warmed the day.

The bread-knife your wife used to prepare the toast cleans off quickly, and your grip on the handle is relaxed as you turn to face her. There is no fear in her knowing eyes as your fingertips find the familiar, faded bruises around her neck.

“I’m sorry, my dear. You simply know me too well.”

4 thoughts on “Good Morning

  1. Your tenses are a bit wobbly, over use of words that end in ‘ing’ and ‘ed’ take the reader from the present reality that you have created. Replace where you can unless you are referring to past events.

    The senses are a good way to pull the reader into the moments in the story, it better to describe how something smells rather than it just smells. Also remember we have 5 senses and use a few but don’t over use them to bring more depth to the story and pull the reader into key moments.

    Thought and emotions are also important to understand the character, especially in a piece like this. what is the character thinking at key moments what drives him to do what he does.

    G.

  2. I decided to use present tense & second person perspective to really try to get behind the reader’s eyes.

    Huge thanks for the feedback, Gabriel, that’s exactly the sorta stuff I wanted to hear about!

    I’ll definitely double-check my tenses & flesh out the sensations a touch. I’ll somehow try to figure out how coffee smells to someone who actually enjoys the foul stuff…

    I intentionally left the emotional side of things out of the piece, though; I think it conveys a coldness that describing the internal processes, even a clinically logical one, wouldn’t achieve as well in this context. That, and I wanted the reader to fill in the thoughts. It is about you, after all…

  3. Yay, story time procrastination! Love a bit of light reading between paragraphs.

    I hate writing the ‘you’ voice. It’s such a favourite with people requesting kink scenarios, but it’s so hard to put into past tense, as it is more often used in the present for RPing (and you know, getting your cyber rocks off).

    Also, could murder a fried egg right now.

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